January 2011
37 posts
Sometimes I want to set the world on fire.
I don't know why this bothers me so fucking much.
So, like normal people I have more than one group of friends, and because they have the common interest of ‘being friends with Court’ they sometimes interact. Most of the time it’s good, my good friend from high school has someone to go skiing with tomorrow because of this interaction, but tonight I found out the downside of these interactions.
Of my college friends I have my...
I made myself an appointment at the counseling...
This is a big step for me. A big, scary as fuck step. But I did it. February 10th. It’s marked on my calendar.
I’m thinking mental health is like a report card, if you’re bring home a sixty five, that’s not good. Most of my life I’ve had maybe and eighty, though it’s capable of dropping, it’s been about a seventy five lately, which isn’t failing,...
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Nothing lasts forever.
When I was younger these words meant the world to me. The knowledge that one day things would feel better was what helped me make it through. It’s funny, the words that saved me years ago are the same words that made me cry last night.
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Caption an image and put it on tumblr. seventy reblogs in less than an hour.
LIKE A BOSS!
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I avoid going to bed because I know I'm going...
I’m always looking ahead, planning ahead, preparing for the next step. I’m obsessed with the cause and effects of my actions. I’m terrified of living in the moment, and I’ll tell you why.
All my life I’ve been on the verge of self destructing, I can’t explain it, but I’ve always had this desire to destroy myself. I could, I really could, I could say fuck...
That moment when a complete stranger points to...
and he actually does.
I reach this moment in friendship when I suddenly...
and I hate it.
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Random Writing
Her heart is a clay vessel
Dug from the dirt
Of the earth
Long ago
Hardened by fire
Hollow and cold
So easily broken
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apodyopsis
Apodyopsis, pronounced ‘AP-oh-dy-AHP-sis” refers to the act of mentally undressing someone. It’s something we all do every now and then, there’s nothing wrong with picturing what a boy looks like without those pesky clothes on, but I don’t just undress them, I completely deconstruct them.
I strip them down to their bones, imagine their skeletal structure, ribs and...
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Another's Youth
She awakens burning the air
and breathes drops of sea
She knots her hair with habit
and bites nails from years ago
She sees the a world in the circus
and old butchers in every smile
She eats translated manuscripts
and cries withered ballpoint ink
She dreams of touches he wouldn’t
and falls asleep in another’s youth
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Let me tell you about my monster.
We’ve worked out a system, my monster and I, and it seems to be working pretty good. I’ve made a cage for him, crafted it out of smiles and laughter, friendship, love, that little sun that glows in your chest when everything feels right. He can peak through the bars, hid behind my every smile, he barks and my breath catches in my lungs, but I’ve locked his cage up good and tight....
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Day Ten: One confession
1) I’ve always known that there’s a monster in my head but I’ll never get help because I’ve never lived without him there and the thought of doing so terrifies me.
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Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life...
1) xD because I’m back at school and even thought my thoughts are currently ‘pleh i dun wanna walk all the way to drawing, it’s cold outside’ I’m so ridiculously happy to be with my friends. Life is a series of moments, and with them I’ve had some of the best.
2) :o because even though it was a false alarm, everyone mentally shits themselves when they...
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Day Eight: Three turn ons
1) Light colored eyes, especially if he has dark hair. I love contrast in a boys face, I think it’s gorgeous.
2) Scars. Under his eye, along his jaw, or following the line of his collarbone are my favorites.
3) Being a boy. I love the shape of adolescent males, both as an artist and as a heterosexual female. The human form is nothing short of beautiful and amazing.
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Day Seven: Four turn offs
1) Facial hair. I like my boys to look like boys, not men, and facial hair tends to make you look older. I’m not saying I’m apposed to older boys (Maybe one day I’ll tell you a story if I ever have the balls to make it a story worth telling) I’m just partial to innocence.
2) Disproportionate features. That goes back to natural selection and suchlike. I’m basically...